i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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