Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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