He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
