Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She is in my trunk
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
