yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
