PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
