Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
