There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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