:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
