I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
