I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
