Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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