I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
