what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
