He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
