I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
