whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm both gender and math confused
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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