You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
