He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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