Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My vagina is officially offended.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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