You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
