you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
