ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
