Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this just has baby written all over it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
