im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
