Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
