we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
