Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
