We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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