I hate your face
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
