Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
NoShamevember. You game?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
