You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
