the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
