dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
