No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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