she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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