So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am midnight drunk by noon
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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