Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
