question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
