i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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