Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's never too late to be topless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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