apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Randomize
