Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just invented taco cereal.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
