I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
