Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
