When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
