dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
