oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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