i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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