Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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