why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
