you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
