he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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